Fantasticalicious's Weblog

fantasticaliously inspiring

fantasticalicious — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 14:36:33 +0000

The Bachelor

fantasticalicious — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 16:35:34 +0000

I watched it on Monday night and there were some strange things that happened. The girl with the fangs is the big one. Then there’s the girl who slapped Brad on behalf of the women in the USA that were offended by his inability to select a girl on his first time around as The Bachelor. He kept both of these women, which I found a bit surprising.

I’m bored of Brad. He really isn’t saying much to keep me interested in him. His eyes are void of any expression and he says the same thing over and over again to every girl. I still am surprised that they decided to give him another shot. Were they surprisingly short on applicants perhaps?

The show has decided to stop listing the ages of the women, which is interesting. I wonder why?

Hopefully things are more interesting next week.

the truth about miscarriage and recurrent pregnancy loss

fantasticalicious — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 03:20:13 +0000

Eighteen months ago I lost my baby in the 8th week of pregnancy. This was my 3rd loss. I managed through the next couple of months by keeping busy because I was in a new job and I wanted to do well at it. I even went to work the day after the loss and I told no one at work about it. Four months later I received a severance package from that job, and I felt immediate relief. The job was stressful because there were many difficult people that I had to deal with there and I needed to let go of the stress and just feel the grief. Maybe I didn’t care enough about the job because my emotions were deadened, like how nerve endings deaden when they are exposed. After the job ended, I needed to just feel nothing and then feel the pain and then feel nothing again and then more pain and over and over again until the pain was less and the nothing had a slight twinge of a possibility for future happiness to it.

After the loss I was told that “time heals” but it doesn’t heal. Only I can heal myself by grieving the loss. Grief helped me heal and that’s why even though months went by I wasn’t able to move on. When I finally decided to grieve it was as if the miscarriage just happened because I was frozen in my emotion state.

People told me that I’ll get over the loss and that it is “nature’s way”, but when you have discovered the joy of being pregnant and have planned giving the rest of your life to your new child, you never totally get over it. You don’t really want to get over it either because getting over it seems like a betrayal to the child that you lost, as if there never was a child. There was a child and there always will be a child and there will always be a loss of a child and that will never change. The best you can do is eventually accept that there will always be a void in your life.

People have told me that they understand but they really don’t fully understand. The truth is, grief is personal, and people can tell you about their own xperiences but your experience with grief will be different because you are different and your life is different and your loss is different. Life didn’t just continue on exactly the same as it was after the loss. It did for other people, but everything was different for me. My past, present, and future felt completely different after the miscarriage. I didn’t like that past, present, or future but there was very little I could do to change that. I cannot go back in time and prevent the miscarriage or change the fact that the baby is alive only in the past tense now.

The worst part of the grief is that after three losses I still continue to grieve each loss separately and together. Although I’ve survived through the worst of the pain, I am always finding new ways to grieve the loss and I keep trying to find ways to live with the loss.

Grief makes everyone so uncomfortable, so I have learned to hide what I am going through.

No one understands and I don’t think they ever will. Right now I feel like I’m okay with that.

The Bachelorette

fantasticalicious — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 04:08:20 +0000

I’m not sure who screened the guys for Ali Fedotowsky’s season of The Bachelorette, but I think their suitability for that position may be questioned. I am thinking it is very probably that they might be fired or transferred out already, because clearly this group of guys is questionable!

First off, how did the employee that screened the 25 guys manage to find so many Canadians that don’t have many typical Canadian qualities? Craig R is the first Canadian that we see and he is shown as parading around being rude and aggressive. Craig is shown provoking Jesse and then later on we see him teasing and being a jerk to Jonathan. Then we have Justin — the Canadian who ended up calling some girl while he was on the show and leaving her phone messages about how she was the one for him etc etc and that he wanted her to be his wife. Canadians are known for being very genuine, overly polite, and passive and yet somehow they found one Canadian guy who is not at all polite and is the opposite of passive, and another Canadian guy who is the opposite of genuine.

Whoever screened these guys should have had some red flags about the one guy who went by “Shooter”. Ali let him go on the first episode, but seriously — if your nickname refers to your sexual habits from college then just start insisting people call you by your legal first name okay?

And then there’s Jonathan, the weatherman. He is nice but I have girlfriends who are straight that are more masculine than him.

I’m guessing she picks Roberto and Chris is the next “Bachelor” and then Ali and Roberto don’t make it. Roberto just doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who could handle the celebrity that comes with this and I doubt he’d want that in his life. In only two episodes, we’ll know who Ali selected.

The good news for her is that no matter what happens, she’ll look good now that Jake and Vienna have split up and have publically bashed each other shamelessly in the tabloid press. Or so I hope she ends up looking good by comparison. You never know….but I hope so.

2010

fantasticalicious — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:54:39 +0000

A brand new decade. I feels odd, but at the same nothing has really changed.

Banana Bran Muffins

fantasticalicious — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:41:31 +0000

Freshly made banana bran muffins! What a great way to start the day. Mmmmm…….

This crazy world

fantasticalicious — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 19:20:34 +0000

The death of Michael Jackson really has me shaking my head. It’s so sad that all that fame and all that money did not bring him much happiness.

Thoughts

fantasticalicious — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 14:22:44 +0000

I spoke to a woman this week who returned to Canada after living in Afghanistan for 14 years. The stories she told me were very disturbing. She said there are a lot of Westerns killed there that CNN doesn’t report about. People working in medical care who are shot while going to the ATM or while picking up medical supplies. She told me she knew a couple, and one day a Taliban man went over and shot one man who was sitting in his car waiting. The poor wife was left a widow and the children fatherless.

It’s so disturbing.

We moved!

fantasticalicious — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 22:03:01 +0000

June 1st was our moving date, and it was an insanely crazy day.

It feels like I still haven’t caught up since the movie. I feel exhausted all the time.

The Leonard Cohen concert was fantastic!

fantasticalicious — Tue, 26 May 2009 01:47:52 +0000